Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Self Care

So apparently I took a whole month off of blogging without realizing it.

Ironically, this overwhelming busy schedule is the subject of this blog. I am sick. Hacking cough, throat killing me from the coughing, ears plugged up, exhausted, and of course, 10 weeks pregnant. I feel like a zombie, and struggled all last night to figure out if I could push myself to do the social things I wanted to do today or to rest.

On Friday, we leave for my sister's wedding. I am so excited about the trip, hiking with my husband, getting a few days of Baby S being entertained by other people. I'm looking forward to a wedding which I think will be gorgeous. I find it very interesting how different our 3 weddings have been. Sister #2 got married first, on the beach in Mexico. Sister #1 (me) got married second, on farmland in Michigan, and sister #3 is getting married this week, in the desert-landscaped backyard of her beautiful Frank Lloyd Wright-esque home. All outdoors (except my ceremony was done in a church), that's true. But we'll be married by three very different officiators, and three very different sized weddings. Even our food was remarkably different! Chinese for mine, Mexican for Sister #2, and gourmet for sister #3. She'll be the only one with TWO live bands, I understand, for just 70 people! Amazing.

So I have to get well for that.

In addition, I am of course still in a lot of pain at the idea of seeing Sister #2, whom I haven't seen for over 3 years. Or spoken to. I don't know how much she hates me, but I assume a lot. And regardless, either I disregard the person I spent my whole childhood with, or I allow her to have a power which she doesn't deserve or need over my happiness.

So I have to get over that for the trip. God help me.

I have a schedule right now that is so tight it's hard to find time to do what I need to. Weds mornings I have reserved for the most spiritual thing I do all week, but lately it's been taken up with doctor's appointments and/or a 3 year old who needs to sleep in one day a week. I have such a level of guilt, but I know this time must be used for whatever it needs to be.

After the wedding, the schedule changes and I am hoping for something a little different. I will be doing two 12 hour days---on Thurs & Fri, so I'm hoping it'll feel like "once a week" all together. RIght? Hopefully. And Mon-Weds will be (technically) half days of teaching. And I have a weekend! That sounds so easy until you add in the kid.

Still overwhelmed, still happy. Praying for health.